Goulash at the Poison Kitchen Cafe

Legend has it that back in the Middle Ages, the cook lost his mind and murdered the whole priory with a poisoned vat of goulash, hence the cafe's ghoulish name and signature dish: goulash of course.

from Daughter of Smoke & Bone by Laini Taylor

Poison optional

I'd never eaten goulash before.  I thought I had.  My grandma, aka The World's Worst Chef, sorry Greema, but when the dog prefers dry kibble to your table scraps, well, there you go.  Anyways, Grandma liked to make what she called Goulash, it had lima beans, canned potatoes, ground beef, tomatoes and ketchup, all mixed up and served in bowls with little handles on the side. 

Naturally after this early introduction to 'goulash' I wasn't eager to recreate it.  But just for fun, I decided to look it up.

As it turns out, goulash, the real stuff, is very different.  It's also the national dish of Hungary and thankfully it does not contain lima beans or ketchup.  There are many variations and I suspect every Hungarian Grandma has her own time honored version.

I tried to find the most authentic and ended up combining several recipes I found online.

I hope you give goulash a try, it is very edible.

Gather the ingredients

Toast the Caraway Seeds

Set the browned meat aside for later

Cook the spices and onions into a sticky goulash-y mirepoix

Stew the goulash over a low heat
 

Hungarian Goulash

1 pound lean beef, cubed
1- 1/2 onion, chopped (use what you have on hand, I had a white and a yellow)
3 cloves garlic, smashed and chopped
1 bay leaf
3 Tbsp tomato paste
1 tsp. kosher salt
1 Tbsp Caraway seeds, roasted over medium heat till fragrant (about two minutes) then ground till powdery
1/2 tsp. fresh ground pepper
3 tbsp olive oil
2 tsp. balsamic vinegar
2 cups chicken stock (homemade is best, but canned will work too)
1 tbsp fresh thyme and 1 tbsp fresh marjoram leaves (confession, I forgot to add them!)  I'm sure they would have really added to the dish, but it was still super good without.)

Directions:

1.  Heat 2 Tbsp of olive oil in a dutch oven or large frying pan (one that has a tight fitting lid) over medium high heat.

2.  Sprinkle the meat cubes with salt, pepper and ground caraway.  Drop the meat into the pan and sear the cubes on all sides (ifyour pan isn't very wide, do this in steps, setting the finished meat aside when you are done).

3.  Remove meat from the pan and add onions.  Sweat the onions over medium high heat for five minutes.  Then add the garlic, stir constantly for one minute then add the paprika, bay leaf and tomato paste.  The mixture will turn dark and sticky fast, so keep an eye on it and after about two minutes add the chicken stock.  Stir stir stir and bring to a light boil.

4.  Add the meat back into the pot and bring the goulash back to a boil, then turn the heat down to a low simmer (that's between the 2 and 3 on my electric range), cover the pot and set a timer for one hour.

5.  When the hour is up, remove the lid, add the balsamic and allow the goulash to cook down a bit.  The juices will thicken and the meat will become fork tender.  I thought this would take just 15 or 20 minutes, but I guess the meat I bought was a bit tougher because this step took almost 45 minutes.

6.  Spoon the meat with sauce over noodles, rice or  Kale Mashed Potatoes aka Colcannon with a dollop of sour cream on top.  Mmmm, very tasty and the leftovers were even better.
 

Bilbo Baggins Seed Cake

"But I don't mind some cake -- seed-cake, if you have any."


"Lots!"  Bilbo found himself answering, to his own surprise; and he found himself scuttling off, too, to the cellar to fill a pint beer-mug, and then to a pantry to fetch two beautiful round seed-cakes which he had baked that afternoon for his after-supper morsel.

Seed-cake, according to the Annotated version of The Hobbit, is a sweetened cake with caraway seeds.  Finding a cake with caraway was a bit of a stretch, so I had to settle for a poppy lemon cake that I found here http://www.councilofelrond.com/recipe/bilbos-poppy-seed-cake-v/

One of my favorite scenes in the book is where all the dwarves show up at Bilbo's and overwhelm him with requests for food and drink.  Hospitality among hobbits being what it is, Bilbo swallows his annoyance and tries to please all of his guests.

Seed cake always sounded the most interesting of all the foods on offer so I've been waiting years to make it (don't know why it took so long).  So here it is, seed cake from the shire.

Bilbo Baggins Seed Cake
adapted from a recipe found at The Council of Elrond

1/2 cup poppy seeds
1 cup milk
1/2 lb butter (2 sticks)
1 cup sugar (white or brown)
3 eggs
1 1/2 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup whole wheat
2 Tbsp caraway seeds
1 Tbsp Baking Powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp. vanilla (I used coffee flavoring, its all I had in the cabinet!)
3 Tbsp fresh lemon juice
the zest of one lemon

Directions:

1.  Preheat oven to 350 and butter a bundt or tube pan.

2. Heat milk and poppy seeds to a low simmer, cook for about four minutes, careful not to boil the milk.  Remove from the heat and set aside.

3.  In a large bowl, cream the butter and sugar, add the eggs, one at a time, beating after each addition. 

4.  Sift together dry ingredients in a separate bowl and carefully add butter-sugar mix alternately with the cooled milk-poppy mixture and the lemon juice, rind and vanilla until everything is just mixed enough to add to the prepped pan.

5.  Bake for 40 minutes or until a knife comes out clean when the cake is tested.  Serve with ale, coffee or milk.

Garfield's Meatball Lasagna

I don't remember when I discovered Garfield.  It must have been at my Grandma Leona's place, she always got the Sunday paper and I liked to read the 'funnies' while she read the sales ads (most for stores we didn't have in our tiny little town, strange now that I think about it) .  Garfield was far and above, my favorite.

Later, I worked as a library aide at my middle school and found out that Garfield was just as popular there as it was at my grandma's place.  Almost a third of everything I had to reshelve was Garfield comic books, they far outnumbered the Choose-Your-Own-Adventure novels or the Sweet Valley High books (remember Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield?).

If you know Garfield at all, then you know he has a deep and abiding love of lasagna.  My son insisted I make lasagna after reading five Garfield books back to back.

I wasn't terribly enthused about it, I'm not a big fan of lasagna.  My mother used to make it when I was a kid;  noodles, layered with ground beef mixed with prego and ricotta, then a pound of mozzarella on top, ugh.

It was filling but bland and I guess my taste in food has changed, because the thought of eating mom's lasagna sounded about as enticing as a bowl of warm milk.

So I cruised online looking for a better recipe.  My son found a pic of a meatball version and I was excited, it looked so different, so textured, dare I say, stylish?

So here it is, cobbled together from several different sources.

Garfield's Meatball Lasagna

Meatballs

1/2 lb. ground pork
1/2 lb. ground beef
1 cup bread crumbs
1 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
1 Tbsp. parsley
1 Tbsp. grated parmesan cheese
1/2 cup milk

1.  Preheat oven to 400 and cover a baking sheet with parchment or lightly oiled foil.  Mix everything in a large bowl, then form into 1 inch balls and place an inch apart on the baking sheet.

2.  Bake for 12 minutes then remove from oven, allow to cool (they freeze great too) and then set aside while you make the sauces (I put mine in the refrigerator).

The Noodles

Don't read the package instructions.

Simple fill a pan with hot water and layer the noodles into it while you make sauces, open jars and file your nails.  Easy peasy, no colander, no boiling water in a vast cauldron that will fill your house with steam.

Ricotta Cheese Filling

1 lb Ricotta
1 tsp. parsley
1 egg, beaten
1/2 tsp. salt
1 cup shredded mozarella cheese

1.  Mix everything together in a medium sized bowl and then set aside.

Bechamel Sauce

For the Roux
3 Tbsp. butter
3 Tbsp. flour

2 Cups Milk - I used 1%
pinch of freshly grated nutmeg

1.  Melt butter in a saucepan over medium low heat.

2.  Sprinkle the flour on top and stir stir stir so it doesn't burn.  Cook the roux until it is the color of caramel.

3.  Slowly whisk in milk.  bring to a simmer and continue whisking until the sauce begins to thicken.  When it coats the whisk , turn the heat to low and cook for another couple of minutes.  Sprinkle on the nutmeg and set aside.

Red Sauce

One jar of your favorite marinara sauce or make this;

For the Soffritto

one small stalk celery with leaves, chopped
1/2 onion, chopped

3 cloves garlic, chopped
1 tsp. red pepper flakes - or to taste
1/2 carrot, chopped
1/4 cup raisins or currants 
1/4 cup bell pepper, chopped
2 tbsp. Olive Oil
1/4 cup white wine or red (I've liked both in this, use whatever you have, even beer would work, it's a flexible dish)

1.  Heat the olive oil in a large pot over medium heat.  When the oil is hot enough to sizzle, drop the soffrito, except the wine, garlic and red pepper,  into the pot.  Stir to keep things from sticking, for about five minutes.  Add the garlic and red pepper flakes, cook for an additional two minutes, stirring constantly.

2.  Pour the wine in and scrape up all the tiny bits, before all the wine burns away add the Sauce ingredients.

For the Sauce

2 14oz cans of chopped tomatoes
1 tsp. dried basil
1/4 tsp. dried thyme
1/4 tsp. dried sage
1/2  tsp. dried oregano

1/4 tsp. black pepper
1 tsp. sea salt
1 tsp. sugar
pinch of rosemary

1.  Add everything to the pot and give it a stir.  Bring to a slow simmer and then cover, turn the heat to low and cook for an hour.

2.  Remove from the heat and allow to cool for pureeing (or you could leave it chunky, whatever).  I use my blender for this process, mostly because my food processor is harder to clean, but the processor would make for a nicer grind, so use whatever makes your toes curl.

To assemble the lasagna

In a large pan, 14 x 8 is what I used, spread a thin layer of red sauce.  Top this with the noodles (they should still be crunchy, don't worry, they'll be perfect when the lasagna is done baking).

Cover the noodles with a thin layer of ricotta, then a few meatballs.  Then again with the red sauce and a layer of noodles, till you end with noodles and spoon the bechamel last of all.

Here's where you sprinkle the grated cheese.  I was feeling fancy, so I used a combo of parmesan, fontina and mozzarella.

Bake in a preheated oven at 400 for thirty minutes.

Just a note, making all of this in one day is well, a little bit crazy daunting, I cheated and made the sauce and meatballs ahead of time.

I measured out 32 ounces or about four cups and refroze the rest.

The sauce and meatballs freeze well. 

Enjoy!

Vulture Pizza

"I would much rather work with you.  When I work with Miguel, all he does is slack off.  Plus, He's always making vulture pies"  Vulture pies are pizzas so bad they're suitable only for vultures or employees.

from The Night She Disappeared by  April Henry

One of my closest friends loves true crime fiction, especially books about serial killers. Over the years she's pressed me to read books about Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy and the nightmare inducing, Jeffrey Dahmer, my response has always been the same, 'hell no!'

I like happy endings, sexy vampires, angsty werewolves, cozy mysteries and the occasional zombie infestation. But stories about something real, monsters who look like people but walk among us, picking out their next feast from among their neighbors and coworkers, shudder, those stories are not for me.

But there was something about the setup for this story that made me think I might just want to read this book. It has teens who work in a fast food setting (I worked at a restaurant whose claim to fame was flame broiled burgers, so already I've got a built in sense of kinship with the characters), the teens aren't all the best of friends and one of them goes missing after making a delivery (a close friend of mine used to deliver sandwiches and he used to tell me some pretty strange tales of the people he met on his nightly travels, sometimes I'd worry that even though he's six plus feet of urban cowboy, what if one of his customers had a gun or a boomerang, okay, maybe not a boomerang, that'd be strange and ridiculous, still it seemed dangerous).

Plus, I figured if the book got too intense, I could just slam it shut and shove it into my NEVER TO BE READ SHELF (this shelf is more of a corner, with a stack of out of date encyclopedias, a book about sugar free desserts, David Hasselhoff's memoir, you know books that have somehow wandered into your home, never to be opened).

Well, after I started, I found it very hard to stop reading.

If you read the synopsis you already know what's going on in the beginning of the book. So let me tell you a little about what happens next.

The story is told from multiple perspectives, I knew this going in, but didn't realize it would also be told from the point of view of Kayla (the kidnapped girl) and The Man (the dude who kidnaps her). Just a note on The Man, hearing his thoughts is like taking a giant breath, in through your nose, in a boys locker room on a hot day, shocking and nausea inducing, definitely not for the faint of heart.

The same for Kayla, in fact, part way through the book, I almost set it aside because it was too personal, too upsetting and altogether too realistic, but since it is early in the day, I figured I could finish the book with plenty of buffer time before bed to read and watch happier things (Spongebob, here I come!).

But with the ending the way it was, I actually didn't need my happy place buffer. I feel okay, satisfied even.

Anyways, about the characters, a small warning, Gabie irritated me and sometimes I thought that a a month or six of talk therapy with a licensed psychologist would have done her a world of good. The girl swings from quiet, shy reserve to uninhibited, naked swims in frigid rivers craziness and frankly, her wild mood swings were more alarming than endearing to me. This current drama with the kidnapping sent her for a loop (a fruit loop, my grandma would say, don't know why she said that and it doesn't make a lot of sense now).

But, Drew, he's my favorite. His mom's an addict and his homelife isn't much to dream about, his job at Pete's pizza isn't for spending money, it's to buy food, utilities and rent. Unlike Gabie, whose parents are both trauma surgeons, he doesn't have a car and a nice house, so when she offers him the use of her car to make deliveries, thus enabling him to keep his hours, he's happy but surprised. He and Gabie are not close, she's a serious Honor Roll student and he's a pot dealing, C average student, in other words, a loser.

The interactions between Drew and Gabie are intense. These are two people drawn together by tragic circumstances and a shared belief, that Gabie was the kidnapper's intended target and that Kayla is not dead.

The police in the book seem to mostly follow up dead and unlikely leads, the story follows the investigations, including the interrogation of someone whose been implicated in Kayla's disappearance based on an anonymous tip. The contrast between the investigation, Drew and Gabie's research and Kayla and the Man's horrible interactions really gave a sense of urgency to the story.

I can't really say anymore about the book without giving away too much.

I'll just end with, read this book, you'll be hooked from page one.

If you feel the need to nosh while reading about all this pizza-serial-killer-drama, try this recipe;

For the Dough, based on a recipe from Steamy Kitchen (check it out here no knead dough )which is based on a recipe by Jim Lahey, the king of no knead pizzas

3 cups flour (I used all purpose)
1/2 rounded teaspoon sea salt
3/4 teaspoon sugar
1/4 teaspoon dry yeast
1 1/2 cups cool water.

Directions;

1.  Mix the flour, salt, sugar and yeast in a large bowl.  Add the water and using your hands mix up into a sorta raggy dough.

2.  Put the raggy dough into a clean bowl, cover with plastic wrap and set somewhere cool overnight.

 3.  Go to bed, dream about George Clooney stopping by to eat bon bons and watch reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer with you.  When you wake up in the morning your dough will look puffy and bloated.

4. Stretch the dough out into vaguely pizza'ish shapes and top with your favorite pizza bits*.

Anchovies, Doctor Sexy's favorite pizza topping.

5.  Bake  at 450 for ten minutes, depending on how many toppings and how thin your dough is, you might need to bake for five to ten minutes more.

6.  Enjoy!

* Okay, so the original recipe has you putting the dough on a kitchen towel and a few other things, that I totally skip.  I know, I know, I shouldn't do that, but I'm a big time procrastinator and have just never gotten around to following each and every step of this recipe.  So, anyways, do what your heart tells you.

Martian Manhunters Favorite Cheesecake

Now that there's an Avengers movie coming out (Yay!) I'm wondering if there will ever be a Justice League movie (fingers crossed).  Imagine it, there's a Superman reboot coming next year, if the movie peoples followed the same formula as the Avengers we could see a Wonderwoman, Flash, Martian Manhunter and maybe even an Aquaman movie.  CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?!

Anyways, John Jones, the human incarnation (avatar, whatever) of Martian Manhunter loves oreos, so after I made this cheesecake I thought, 'bet Martian Manhunter would love this!'

I don't think you need me to tell you how incredibly delicious these are.  I have to say that this is the best cheesecake I've ever had.  Just a word of warning, my son and hubby tried a piece before the bars had cooled in the fridge and they didn't like them AT ALL.  Turns out, warm cheesecake is kinda gross.  Toss these into the fridge for a few hours (I know it's hard to wait, but there's no way around it this time, believe me on this one).

Martian Manhunter's Oreo Cheesecake
adapted from a recipe at Annie's Eats here; oreo cheesecake brownies

For the crust:
One Box of Famous Chocolate Wafers
2 tbsp. butter, melted


For the cheesecake:
12 oz. cream cheese, at room temperature
6 tbsp. sugar
6 tbsp. sour cream, at room temperature
½ tsp. vanilla extract
¼ tsp. salt
1 large egg plus 1 egg yolk
15 Oreo cookies, broken in half and quarters

Directions:

1.  Preheat the oven to 325˚ F.  Line an 8 x 8-inch baking dish with foil or if you're super lazy like me, spray it liberally with cooking spray.

2. To make the crust, place the chocolate wafers and melted butter in the bowl of a food processor.  Process, pulsing, until the cookies are finely ground.  Taste it, taste again just to confirm that, yes, it really is that scrumptious, then transfer the crumbly goodness to your prepared baking dish.

3.  Press the crumbs down until you have an even layer.

4.  Add the cream cheese to the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment or plop it into a bowl and use your hand held electric mixer on low.  Beat  until light and smooth, about 2 minutes.  Mix in the sugar until well combined.  Blend in the sour cream, vanilla and salt.  Beat in the egg and egg yolk on medium-high speed until incorporated, scraping down the bowl as needed.  Stir in the chopped Oreos with a rubber spatula.

Be careful, if the oreos are too crushed your cheesecake will turn gray and will have a weird gritty texture, you'll have to eat that one by yourself, probably in a dark closet with a flashlight and make a second one for friends and family.


5.  Pour the cheesecake batter over the prepared crust, smoothing the top with a spatula.  Bake for about 40 minutes, until the cheesecake is set around the edges but slightly wobbly in the center.

Transfer the pan to a wire rack and let cool about 1 hour to room temperature.  Cover the pan and refrigerate until well chilled, about 3 hours.

To cut the bars, pull the cake from the pan by lifting the foil up out of the pan or cut them out one by one if you didn't use foil.  Keep refrigerated until ready to serve.

Dinner at the Green Dragon

Tonight's Menu

Shire Salt Roasted Game Hens
Farmer Maggot's Roast Carrots, Mushrooms and Assorted Root Vegetables
Salt Crusted Blue Cheese Po-ta-toes
The Finest Sparkling Grape Cider - by the Pint


Shire Salt Roasted Game Hens

3 Cornish Game hens, gizzards and other innards removed
3 tsp. Olive Oil, divided

Salt Spice Mixture

1/2 Tbspn. Sea Salt

1/2 tsp. lemon zest
1/2 tsp. black pepper
1/2 tsp. paprika
1/2 tsp. dry mustard
1/4 tsp. granulated garlic
1/2 tsp. crushed red pepper
1/2 tsp. thyme leaves, dried


Directions:

Preheat Oven to 350.  Rub oil over the entire surface of the birds then divide the Salt Herb Mixture among the hens.

Place hens, breast side up into a prepared pan with a rack and roast for 1 hour, basting occasionally.

Salt Crusted Po-ta-toes


One pound of tiny red potatoes, washed and dried
2 Tbsp. Olive Oil
1 1/2 tsp. Sea Salt
A few sprinkles of cracked black pepper (just eyeball it)
1/2 cup blue cheese crumbles

Directions:

1.  Toss everything in a bowl until every potato is coated.  Then spread the potatoes onto a parchment lined cookie sheet.

2.  Bake at 400 degrees for 30 minutes or until fork tender.

3.  Turn oven to broil and cook for an additional 2-4 minutes until the skins are crisped up and salt has left tiny dried white spots on the surface of the potatoes.

4.  Pour potatoes into a serving dish and sprinkle the blue cheese crumbles over the top, give it a quick stir and cover with a dishtowel until ready to serve.

Don't eat me!

Farmer Maggot's Roasted Carrots, Mushrooms and Assorted Root Vegetables

7 or 8 mushrooms cut in half (quarter if you have large mushrooms)
3 large carrots, peeled and cut into 1 inch chunks
2 rutabagas, cut into one inch chunks and tough stems removed
4 or five small turnips, cut into 1 inch chunks

1/2 cup flat leaf parsley, just the leaves
1 1/2 tbsp. olive oil
2 tsp. Chile Oil  (in the Asian foods section)
2 tsp. thyme leaves. dried
1 tsp. oregano leaves, dried
1/2 tsp. black pepper
7 cloves garlic, cut in half or quarters, depending on the size
1/2 tsp. sage, dried

Directions:

1.  Toss everything into a bowl and give it a good stir, being sure to scrape the bottom of the bowl.

2.  Spread the seasoned veggies onto a parchment lined baking sheet - don't crowd them, spread them out so that they are in one layer.

3.  Bake at 400 for 30 minutes or until fork tender.

4.  Turn oven to broil and cook for an additional 2-4 minutes or until the edges turn golden.

5.  Serve immediately.

Get your kiddo to draw a sign to set the mood.

Pink Naan

Food should be more colorful, right?

 As I was kneading the lavender+pink dough (okay, I admit it, it was  puce, is there a more repulsive word for pinky purple?)  I started to have a deja book feeling, you know where something you are doing reminds you of a book you've read.

I suddenly realized I was thinking about Touch of Frost by Jennifer Estep, in particular, Daphne, the valkyrie with pink mojo.  Actually everything about Daphne is pink.  Aha, I should call these pink valkyrie naan, 'cept valkyries probably don't eat naan since they are mythological goddesses of Norse mythology, they'd probably eat lefse, hmm, oh well, the whole pink part was a bit modern too so it doesn't really matter.

It's not that regular Naan isn't great, but pink naan, must be a teensy bit better or this is what Jennifer does when she gets bored and bought too many purple yams at the Asian grocery.

Anyways, these were tasty naan and healthy too (yams are a superfood or something).

Purple Yam Pink Naan

2/3 cup cooked, cooled and mashed purple yam

1/3 cup plain yogurt or milk

1 cup warm water (add a tablespoon or two if your dough is too tough to knead)

1 tsp. sugar or honey, whatever makes you silly

1 tsp. salt

1 3/4 tsp. dry active yeast

2 cups white whole wheat flour (you could sub regular whole wheat, but the color will mask the lovely purple yams less purple-y)

1 cup all purpose flour

1 tbsp. light olive oil or canola or grapeseed oil (use whatever oil you like, it won't really matter).

1.  In a small bowl mix sugar and warm water.  Sprinkle yeast on top and set aside for ten minutes or until frothy and bubbly.

2.  In a medium bowl mix the yams, yogurt, oil and salt.

3.  In a large bowl mix the flours.  Add the water yeast mixture and the yam yogurt mix, knead into a soft dough, don't worry if your dough shows little flecks of purple yam, the bread will still turn out.  Knead the dough for about six minutes or until it is less tacky.

5.  Place dough into a greased bowl and cover with plastic wrap.  Place bowl in a warm location (like the microwave) and allow to rise for 1 1/2 to 2 hours, or until doubled. 

6.  Punch dough down and let it rest while you get the griddle ready.  I have an electric griddle and griddled the breads at 375, but this bread would turn out in the oven too if you prefer (set your oven to 400 and bake each bread for three minutes, flip, then cook for two minutes more).

It's pink, like a carebear!

7.  The dough will begin to bubble up and the edges will turn golden, flip and cook the other side until it looks golden in spots.

8.  Eat them warm slathered with butter or with hummus or for a really colorful meal, with red lentils, mmmm.

The Dead Celebrity Cookbook: Bette Davis' Red Flannel Hash

Her gravestone says, "She did it the hard way," but she made it all look so easy.

from The Dead Celebrity Cookbook: A Resurrection of Recipes From More than 145 Stars of Stage and Screen by Frank DeCaro (on sale everywhere 3 October 2011).

There are lots of fun recipes here, Elizabeth Taylor's Chicken with Avocado and Mushrooms, Gene Roddenberry's Lima Beans and Ham, Mabel King's Banana Fritters, Patrick Swayze's Chicken Pot Pie, Dom Deluise's Doodlewoppers and Madeline Kahn's Foot Cookies (no feet involved, only sugar, flour and regular cookie stuff)

Bette Davis was my Grandma Florence's second favorite actress (Debbie Reynolds was her first).  When I was twelve, I came down with a bad case of bronchitis right before Thanksgiving vacation and my grandma stayed with me while my mother and stepfather left town to visit family.

Grandma wasn't a great cook, in fact, she was famous for her dreadful cooking (peanut butter and mint jelly sandwiches, buttered pizza, crunchy apple marshmallow strudel) so we ate jello, crackers and store bought pumpkin pie while watching old movies.  I remember staying up late (my cough medicine made sleeping difficult) and watching A Pocketful of Miracles with Grandma, we both cried at the end (it is such a sweet movie, you really should check it out if you haven't seen it before).

Here's Bette Davis' Red Flannel Hash
from The Dead Celebrity Cookbook by Frank Decaro

2 cups cooked corned beef

3 cups cold boiled potatoes

1 1/2 cups cooked beets.

salt and pepper to taste

1/2 cup or more of cream

1/2 stick butter

Chop all ingredients and combine in a large bowl.  Season to taste and moisten mixture with cream.  Place in a hot buttered skillet.  Stir and spread evenly in pan.  Brown slowly over medium heat.  Serve with Poached eggs on top.

Sounds nummy, right?

This is my adaptation; with extreme liberties taken for modern tastes, sorry Ms. Davis!

1 cup of shredded, cooked roast beef (this is what leftovers are for ladies and gents)

1/2 onion, sliced

2 shallots, sliced

3 or 4 beets, peeled and chopped

2 red potatoes, chopped

2 Tablespoons butter

2 Tablespoons olive oil

1.  Melt butter in pan.  Add olive oil.

2.  Cook the onions and shallots til golden brown over a medium heat and then add the potatoes and beets.

3.  Sear the beets and potatoes on one side for three minutes, then stir and allow the other side to get crusty.  Turn the heat lower and add the reserved shredded meat, cook, stirring occasionally, for five minutes.

4.  Salt and Pepper to taste and Presto!  Red Flannel Hash Nirvana!

Well, almost red.  I had these pretty candy beets sitting in the veg drawer for weeks (oops, I forgot about them) and as tasty as they were, there wasn't enough red in them to turn the hash red, but it tasted insanely good.  I wasn't sure about sauteed beets and wondered if they'd ruin my shredded beef goodness.  Nope, they only added to it!

Try this recipe on beet haters, I bet they'd convert.

Sookie Stackhouse's Sour Cream Chicken with biscuits

Dead as a Doornail by Charlaine Harris

This is the fifth book of the Southern Vampire series and my favorite, so far.  Like the rest of her books, there's a murder and Sookie is smack dab in the middle of it.

Here is my version of the tasty southern meal Sookie Stackhouse brings over to Calvin Norris' house after a bunch of stuff happens that you'll just have to read the book to find out about.

Sour Cream Chicken with Biscuits

My kiddo loves mushrooms.  He likes them with eggs, he likes them on a shish kebab and on burgers.  He is a bona fide mushroom fanatic.

Which is why I'm dumbfounded by his dislike for this dish.  IT HAS MUSHROOMS!

Oh well, can't please everyone.

My husband and I really liked this.  The creamy tart sauce was offset by the flavorful firm mushrooms, add in herb-y seared chicken breasts and wowza, you got yourself one heck of a tasty weeknight dinner and nice leftovers for breakfast too.

I made so many biscuits that we had them for breakfast the next two mornings.

First gather up your ingredients;

sour cream, white wine, thyme, red onion, garlic, shallots, parsley, mushrooms, paprika, pepper, salt, olive oil and oregano

chicken breasts

Pour olive oil in the pan and give it a swirl over a medium heat.

 Sprinkle the chicken with salt, pepper, paprika, oregano and thyme and brown it on both sides.

Chop the veggies.  Try not to chop in your knuckles (youch, I can't believe I did that).

Melt a couple of pats of butter, scrape up the tasty bits left by the chicken.

Add in the chopped veggies, cook them until everything is a bit wilted.

Add the wine, let it cook down a minute then stir in the sour cream.  Heat through over low heat.

Now we can make biscuits.

Now roll 'em and pat 'em and mark 'em with pink heart shaped cookie cutter for family and me!

Cut out the biscuits on a floured, dry surface.

Plop them onto a parchment covered baking sheet about an inch apart.  They look kinda anemic, right?

Look how edible they look after a few minutes in the oven.  There's a big empty spot in this picture, someone ate two of the biscuits from the middle of the pan.  I found the crumbs, scattered across the table.  They were drippy with butter and strawberry jam.  What a mystery, I really have no idea how that happened.  Bigfoot, the cookie monster?  Sadly, we'll probably never know what happened.

Sour cream chicken with biscuits

3 large chicken breasts

2 tblspns. olive oil

1/4 tsp. each of the following, black pepper, thyme, oregano and paprika

1/2 tsp. salt

1/3 cup white wine

1 1/2 cup sour cream

1/2 red onion, chopped

2 shallots, chopped

7 mushrooms, sliced

3 cloves garlic, chopped

handful of fresh parsley

2 Tblspns.  butter

1.  Preheat oven to 350.  Spinkle dry herbs, salt and pepper on chicken.

2.  Heat olive oil in pan, add chicken and brown on each side for a few minutes (four minutes should do) over medium heat.

3.  Remove chicken to oven safe dish and bake for 25 minutes.

4.  Melt butter in pan, add vegetables and saute until the everything is wilted, about seven minutes.

5.  Add wine, allow to cook down for three minutes, then stir in sour cream.  Heat through until the sauce is just starting to bubble. 

6.  Remove chicken from the oven and spoon mushroom cream sauce over the chicken.  Sprinkle with chopped parsley.

Buttermilk Biscuits
adapted from Better Homes and Gardens, Homemade Bread Cook Book (1978)


1 3/4 cups all purpose flour

1/4 cup whole wheat flour

1 Tblspn. baking powder

1/4 tsp. baking soda

1/2 tsp. salt

1/3 cup butter

3/4 cup + 1 Tblspn. buttermilk

Preheat oven to 450.

1. Stir thoroughly the dry ingredients.  Using a fork, knives or a pastry cutter, add in the butter, working it into the dry ingredients until it is pebble size.

2. Make a well in the center and add the buttermilk all at once.  Stir just till the dough clumps together. 

3.  Turn out onto a floured surface and knead the dough gently, 10 to 12 folds.  Roll out and cut out biscuits that are no thicker than 1 inch thick.  Set them an inch apart on a baking sheet.

4.  Bake for 10-12 minutes or until golden brown.

momofuku and chinese sausage focaccia

"Tempering Eggs is a waste of time."

Momofuku Milk Bar by Christina Tosi

By all that's Holy and buttery, I didn't know eggs could be tempered! 

I'm not sure if this is a trend or that I have been picking out cookbooks with a lack of photographic common sense, whatever it is, it makes me steaming mad!

I know this will sound rude, but I don't care about the sous-chef de cuisine, the line cooks, the saucier or the pastry chef. My indifference is so great that I don't want to see pictures of them clogging up my cookbooks.

I also don't want to see pictures of a stocked pantry. Pictures of a crowded kitchen, pics of someone walking around outside a restaurant or extreme closeups of butter, cute cats (seriously?), boxes of fabric scraps, people walking through slushy snow or kitchen staff looking busy and earnest, this is a cookbook for crow's sake! I want pictures of completed recipes, maybe a few step by step photos and I want descriptions of foods not pictured, detailed directions and that's about it.

Okay, whew, sorry for the rant, sometimes I really lose it and I ran out of coffee this morning so it's a double helping of bitchitude, so, anyways, onto the rest of the review.

The preface of cookbooks are always pretty dull, I don't usually read them. They are part mission statement; 'this is a cookbook, I'm an expert in [insert type of cooking] and would like to share with you my favoritest recipes which you will love so much you will tuck this book under your pillow and cover it with kisses each night the same way I do,' and part testimonial, 'I once baked a cake for Queen Elizabeth and she granted me a knighthood it was so delectable.'

This time, I decided to skim through the preface/intro because Momofuku is supposed to be this super important restaurant, a trendsetter, a trend breaker and all around food revolution, plus, I was curious to find out what these foodie rebels would have to say about desserts.

A whole lot it turns out, the intro goes on and on and on, like a Phish song on endless play (the first recipe starts on page 35!). There were some interesting tidbits, but mostly it was filler. Then there was an exhaustively complete section on kitchen essentials and ingredients. On the kitchen tools segment, everyone knows what a sound system is and why you'd have one in the kitchen, same with a vegetable peeler and spoons.

I did find some useful information in the ingredients section and for the novice baker, it is good to know that there is clear vanilla and brown (both available online), that chocolates are different and that kraft makes good mini marshmallows.

The recipes are divided into types; Cereal Milk, Crunch, Crumb, Liquid Cheesecake, etc. The super famous Crack Pie ($44 for a pie!) is included and I'm going to make it on my website just to find out if it really is worth $44.

But, for me, this is where the cookbook loses steam, the recipes themselves range in intricacy and technique from the simple (a recipe for Cinnamon Toast Crunch) to the difficult (Pistachio cake with it's alternating layers of cake, lemon curd, milk crumb and pistachio frosting assembled inside of a an acetate sheet lined cake ring) to the truly astronomically difficult, kimchi blue cheese croissants (oh how I want to eat one of these).

There are some truly transformative uses of ingredients in this book, pretzel crumbs, milk powder (secret ingredient of the pastry chef) and lots of made by hand crunchy bits that add brilliance to old favorites like white cake or the humble chocolate chip cookie.

But, personally, I found only a few recipes that I would try at home, in particular, the crack pie, the nut brittle (there were awesome directions and I had no idea brittle was so easy to make), the chinese sausage focaccia and the pistachio cake (maybe for the hubby's birthday, he loves pistachio ice cream).

But what I found most invaluable was the spirit of imagination, these are some really innovative cooks and they are going crazy with food. I loved the new ingredients and the interesting presentation of old favorites like banana cream pie and brioche. Some of the cool ingredient recipes, Kimchi butter and black pepper butter in particular could revolutionize home cooked recipes, I'm thinking of adding kimchi butter to my favorite naan recipe, nom nom.

Do I think this is a recipe book that should be on every home cook's shelf? Welllll, probably not, for me a shelfer is one with recipes that would become a part of my family's cooking tradition, I'm thinking of the roux technique I learned from Legasse, the basic bread dough I learned from Reinhart (no relation to me) or the beef stew I learned from Julia Child. But I definitely think this merits a look through, mostly because it makes me rethink some of the ingredients I have on hand in my pantry.

So, to sum up, here are the downsides,

1. Stupid photos of not food. There were 32 photos of the chefs (yep, I really did count them, Howard Hughes ain't got nothin' on me in the OCD department)! Some of pics showed earnest looking chefs making food, but it was unclear in most of the shots what recipe they were making and if it was something included in the book. Beyond irritating, sigh.

2. Lots of exotic ingredients that could prove difficult to find for the home cook; pistachio oil, toban djan, hazelnut paste, gianduja chocolate (some upscale version of Nuttella) and feulletine (broken bits of sugar cone'ish substance, costs about $55 on Amazon, too steep for my baking experiments, but then I'm a cheapskate).

3. Lots of exotic pieces would need to be bought before attempting many of these recipes, acetate sheets, gelatin sheets (tho' the author did say you can substitute regular gelatin, but it didn't say what amount or show an alternate recipe, so, I think you'd have to buy the gelatin sheets, I googled them and they aren't terribly pricey but you can't buy just a few, so it's a product commitment), an ice cream machine (I wish), silpat (I want) and bakery quality baking sheets (I need).

4. Some of the directions are hard to follow on the more difficult recipes, here's where a few step by step pics would have come in handy.

Here are the good things about the Milk Bar;

1. Downright tasty use of disparate ingredients, kimchi, cornflakes (my favorite cereal, evah), pumpkin seeds, earl grey tea, grapefruit (an underutilized fruit, IMHO) and pretzels.

2. Lots of interesting sounding snacks, some of them are used in concert with other recipes, but each element would be tasty on it's own, I like that a lot, because it means if I pooped out after making a milk crumb, I could just give up and eat it alone.

In the end, this is kinda coffee table'ish but without the interesting pics, does that make sense?

Here's one of the recipes from the book, it's savory instead of sweet and I thought it was tasty if overly meaty.  I loved the spiciness of the Guilin Chile sauce and next time I might try it fusion style, subbing pepperoni for the chinese sausage.

Chinese Sausage Focaccia

This is what I ate for breakfast.

Chinese Sausage, garlic and Guilin Chile Sauce

Once you have the ingredients together make the dough, then plop it onto a cutting board for a little bit of kneading.

 I tried to knead it but it was haaard.

The dough is super wet, so just kinda move it around a bit, resist adding more than a couple of extra Tablespoons of flour.  I don't know, I couldn't really knead this, it's very sticky and wet.

Proof the Dough, I put it into the microwave (don't turn on the microwave!).  Note: Microwaves are the perfect temp for proofing.

Toss the garlic, sausage, oil and chile sauce into a pan and fry the heck out of it over a med/low heat.  I have a tendency to wander off during boring steps like this one, so I set it on super low and watched an episode of Star Trek, it was the one where Warf's parents stop in for a visit.  Strangely it got me thinking that if this focaccia was served on the end of a sword with a broth of blood for dipping, it would be a fine addition to a Klingon feast.

 
Anyways, drain the red oil from the sausage/garlic mixture.

Save the oil and the sausage separately.  I put mine into little containers like this.  I should have made extra oil, because it was tasty and pretty, like liquid jasper or something that drains out of a dirty car.

Spread the dough onto a sheet of parchment (put the parchment onto your baking sheet first or else you will have a devil of a time moving it after).  Stretch the dough out by hand until it is roughly the size of a hand towel.  Sprinkle half of the garlic sausage filling down the center of the dough.

Fold one third of the dough over to cover the sausage.

Spinkle more sausage garlic on the dough and then fold over and seal.

Your dough should look something like this now.

After the dough proofs for 45 minutes to an hour, dimple it with your fingers, in other words, poke it all over and add the reserved oil around the edges.

Don't pour the oil over the dough, just sorta spoon it around the dough, like this.  Looks kinda weird, right?  I had a mini freak out at this point, the dough looked strange and adding the oil was odd and I almost tossed the whole lot into the trash, but finally decided, 'what the hell, it couldn't get any worse, right?'

Bake in a preheated oven for 15-25 minutes or until golden.  Mine never turned golden, hmm, maybe next time I could brush the top with egg whites.  Anyways, it still looked pretty good and guess what?

Most of the oil was absorbed into the bread and made the bottom crust delightfully crunchy.

Here's the full recipe, with liberties taken for method and some of the ingredients.  If you want to see the original recipe, buy a copy of Milk Bar when it comes out in hardcover 25 October 2011.

Chinese Sausage Focaccia
from Milk Bar by Christina Tosi and David Chang

Sausage filling:

340g/12 ozs. chinese sausage, sliced
8 garlic cloves, sliced thinly
150g/1 cup canola
150g/1/3 cup Guilin Chile Sauce or Toban Djan

Mother Dough:

550g/3 1/2 cups all purpose flour (I subbed 1/4 cup wheat bran, cause I like the taste of wheat)
12g/1 Tablespoon kosher salt
3.5g/1 1/8 teaspoon active dry yeast (just eyeball that 1/8 tsp if you don't have a 1/8 tsp measure, it wont really matter if you over or under the measurement, dough is not that persnickity, IMHO)
370g/1 3/4 room temp. water.
Grapeseed oil or canola for greasing a bowl

1.  Stir together the flour, salt, yeast and add the water.  Mix until you have shaggy dough.

2.  Knead until the dough looks more doughlike.  It wont be easy, like I showed in the pic above, this is a wet, loose dough.

3.  Dump the dough into a well oiled bowl, cover with plastic wrap and place into a warm, draft free location, like a microwave after you've heated up a cup of tea.

4.  Drink tea and wait 45 minutes to an hour for the dough in the microwave to double in size.

5.  Dump your sausage, oil, garlic and chile sauce into a frying pan and fry it over a medium/low temp for 15 minutes.  The oil will turn red, the garlic translucent and the sausage will become dark and chewy.

6.  Drain the oil and save it seperately from the oil.

7.  If you poop out after this.  Take the bread from the microwave, drop it into a plastic bag and put it into the fridge along with your reserved oil and garlic/sausage mix.  I left mine in the fridge for three days because it was too hot to bake.  If you do this allow the dough to come to room temp before following the rest of the directions.

8.  When you are ready to bake, preheat the oven to 375.

9.  Spread the dough out on a sheet of parchment until it is roughly the size of a hand towel.  Sprinkle one half of the sausage mixture down the middle of the dough.  Fold 1/3 of the dough over the sausage.

10.  Sprinkle the other half of the sausage over the dough and then fold the last third over the top and seal (there wasn't much sealing to be done, the dough was sticky enough that it stuck to itself).

11.  Spread the reserved oil around the edges of the dough.  DO NOT pour the oil over the dough, you'll want to, but just don't.

12.  Bake for 15 to 25 minutes, mine was toasty in 22 minutes.

13.  Let the focaccia rest for about an hour because it will be gummy if you slice into it right away.  I couldn't wait and cut off a tiny corner after about thirty (very long) minutes of waiting.

Serves 6 to 8